‘But I Miss Him So Much’ – How To Stop Sadness And Grief

Your loved one is gone due to any reason. He stopped loving you, or he died. Anyway, he is gone forever and you need to manage with your loss. You live with graduating feeling of sadness and grief.You finished your therapy sessions and feel worse than when you started them. Your therapist claim that it is all normal to hold such painful emotions. You are taught that you must feel it all the time as it is a normal part of life.I wish to explain to you why those emotions are unhealthy and they are not beneficial to you at all. OK, remind feelings of grief and sadness. When you notice, they are painful and heartbreaking.You feel drained, guilty, lonely, helpless to your life. This is a huge loss. You prefer dying over facing the world with a courage again.Do you like what you feel for this moment? I don’t think so.People love positive emotions and happy life. Those emotions cut our wings, they hurt us. Do you see how your positive energy is flying away from your body when you remind the sadness?


If you feel it, you can notice that negative emotions are killing you! You have enough of this living situation. If you are ready and determined, take a challenge. You will succeed and you will take your situation under control.Let’s come back to the emotions of sadness. They are not pleasant for sure. What is the advantage of keeping those emotions inside of your heart?You got used to holding the sadness. Those emotions help you to get motivated and empowered to start healing process. Everything will be OK and you will gain control over your life.When you finally succeed, you will feel relaxed. You will feel safe, secured, empowered, high self-esteem, high self-worth as well. You will keep being content, enthusiastic about new relationships and a new life.The summary statement:
The sadness makes you feel relaxed, safe, secured, empowered, high self-worth. You are happy and enthusiastic about new relationships and a new upcoming life.Now, please, look at what the sadness is doing to you and to your life. You will discover that essential energy is missing to lead a healthy life. You are heartbroken, hopeless, guilty and shameful. You are missing something etc.Do you notice that there is toxicity over there?Feelings of sadness are like a bad evil that it is trying to lure you to the idea of giving up on life. This loss and unhappiness drain you down. You suffer from depression and you can start reconsidering killing yourself!Is it what you wish?! I don’t think so.Now, come back to the original summary statement and read it all over again. Reconsider feelings of sadness once again. You will find out something opposite than you thought at the beginning of the exercise.


I ask you: is the summary statement true or false?Then, you discover that those feelings are unhealthy and toxic. They create more damaging emotions that persuade you to give up on life and die. So this is all false!Do you still want to hold this untrue statement? Do you wish to remove it from your heart for good?If you decide to give it a try, please take your hand and place it over your heart.Then, say: I want to remove sadness from my heart now.Now, take a moment and notice how you feel inside. If you like all positive emotions, accept it if you like it. Now, you feel empowered, resilient with more emotional independence. The sadness and grieving are getting less in its power. You are able to take your life under control once again.What you have experienced now, it is the beginning of your self-growth journey.

In the Beginning Was the Word

Trinitarians and those who reject the Trinity but who otherwise believe that Jesus was/is God typically cite John 1:1 as the absolute proof of their belief. For the unfamiliar, John 1:1 states: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”

First, please note that nowhere in the text or surrounding context (or anywhere else in the Bible for that matter) is there any mention of the holy spirit being part of a three-in-one godhead. Although the verse is cited as “proof” that the Word is God Almighty, a frequently overlooked aspect of the verse is the opening phrase: “In the beginning.” But the question is: In the beginning of what?

Since God describes himself as the King of eternity – having no beginning or end – it is inappropriate and virtually meaningless to refer to any sort of beginning in relation to the timeless God. So, what does “in the beginning” mean? According to the Trinity doctrine Jesus has always existed as part of a godhead. So, what is the significance of that phrase?

Those familiar with the entire Bible will undoubtedly recognize the phrase “in the beginning” as also being the very first words of Genesis, which says: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” The beginning of Genesis 1:1 is in reference to an actual beginning, in this case, the beginning of the creation of the physical universe. (In the Bible the heavens may refer to God’s residence in the spirit dimension, the starry heavens or the sun in the heavens or even the atmospheric heavens, such as the birds of heaven or clouds of the heavens. Genesis 1:1 is in reference to the starry heavens – the universe.) Science now generally agrees with the statement of Genesis that the universe had a beginning, what is humorously called the Big Bang. So, since the phrase at Genesis 1:1 is in regards to something that actually began, should not John 1:1 be similarly understood? But, again, since God had no beginning why does the gospel writer use the same expression as is found in Genesis?

The key to unlock this mystery is found at Job 38:7. That is where God asked Job where he happened to be when the earth was created, when all the angels shouted in applause in praise of God’s great work. Ah, so, there were intelligent beings in heaven (the spirit realm) before the material heavens and earth were created. This means that Genesis 1:1 is not an absolute statement but is only relative to the material cosmos. There is another cosmos (world) that exists outside the physical realm. And that world was created before the material universe we inhabit. So, the “in the beginning” of John 1:1 must be understood to be in reference to the absolute beginning of all creation – not merely our local, visible heavens and earth.

Although it is humanly incomprehensible, the truth revealed in the Scriptures is that God had no beginning. He has always existed. He will always exist. He is timeless – outside the restrictions and limitations imposed upon his creation. Admittedly, it really plays havoc upon our finite, liquid-cooled brains, to try to come to grips with how God could have been alone forever and ever, even though at some point he became the Creator. (Let’s just leave that thought alone for now for the sake of our own mental wellbeing.) But we can at least understand the concept that at some point God decided to start a family. And the first creature that came into existence was called the Word. That is why it says, “In the beginning was the Word.” The entity that eventually became the man, Jesus, is also called the firstborn Son of God. In fact, at Colossians 1:15 Paul said that Jesus was the firstborn of all creation. (New American Standard Bible) This is in perfect harmony with what is stated at John 1:1 as regards the Word being with God in the beginning.

Jesus is also called “the only-begotten son.” What does that expression mean? The Greek Scriptures use the expression monogenes in connection with sons or daughters who were the only child of a parent(s). For example, in the Greek translation of the Hebrew book of Judges monogenes is used in connection with Jepthah’s daughter. Monogenes is also used at Luke 7:12 in describing the only son of a widow whom Jesus resurrected. In both accounts it is clear that monogenes is used to denote an only child. Why should it be any different with Jesus? But how was Jesus the only child of God? He was the only Son of God, in that, he was the first and only creature that God directly created, because after God begot the Word, he then gave him the privilege and power to create all other things. That is why, for example, in Genesis God stated: “Let us make man in our image.” And that is why the Scriptures also reveal that all things were created through the agency of his firstborn. In other words, God is the Creator, but the Word is the means through which God accomplished the creation of all things. That is the truth revealed in the Bible.

Being made in God’s image and the exact representation of God, as Paul stated at Hebrews 1:3, the firstborn of all creation could righty speak for God; hence, the Word. But if the Word is not God why does the verse say “and the Word was God”? That question will be considered in another article.

Fiction: An Exercise in Various Beginnings

I love to exercise, not in a gym, but in fiction writing. Since I’ll be exercising, I’ll start stretching with a few beginnings.

Nobody knows more about the importance of beginnings than fiction writers, because the beginning of any narrative is the part that hooks the reader from the start. Not each beginning is suitable for any one piece, and some beginnings become passé after decades of overuse; nevertheless, it is a good idea to take a look at the few types of beginnings used in fiction.

At this time, applying the same storyline, I’d like to write a few exercises. Each exercise will be for a different type of a beginning.

  • Beginning with the setting: The city of Bern snuggles into a U shaped arm of the river Aare, extending its reach to the other sides by historical bridges and railways. Surrounded by densely wooded areas and mountains, Bern is not a crowded city, except for tourists. At 1800 feet altitude, as the highlight of the Bernese-Oberland region, the city ticks to the tune of a modern civilization, although still cuddling its centuries-old astronomical clock tower at the east gate right around the marketplace where one can buy Swiss goods at a much lower price than at the imported price anywhere else.
  • Beginning by inserting characters into the setting: At the east gate of the city of Bern in the marketplace in a tidy corner, Rodolphe’s magasin de chocolat or Schokolade Speicher sits facing the setting sun, and across, Mireille’s Spielzeugspeicher boasts with all sizes of plush baby bears at its window. Rodolphe sees those brown and gray plush toys with a wary eye. He knows from behind that window, Mireille’s husband Karl is watching his every move.
  • Beginning with the thematic way, which is with a truism, a generalization, or a philosophical idea: Our greatest deeds we do unknowingly. Like love. Most of us fall in love unknowingly, and that is what exactly happened to Rodolphe in his chocolate store while he watched the plush toy bears from across the street and wondered if Mireille, the owner of the teddy bear store, was as cute and cuddly in bed.
  • Beginning the factual way; that is, a realistic no-nonsense opening derived from real events: In 1879, Rodolphe Lindt of Berne, Switzerland, produced chocolate that melted on the tongue, creating the fondant. Two centuries later in the same city, his namesake Rodolphe sat in his Schokolade Speicher that faced Mireille’s toy store, his neighbor across the street. As he rolled a soft sweet fondant in his mouth, Rodolphe thought of Mireille, her thin waist, her large green eyes, her overly made-up face, her cadenced walk, and her syrupy smile.
  • Considered to be the most successful by some, beginning through the emotional way, which is aiming for the heart and appealing directly to the reader’s emotions: In the middle of the street in Berne’s marketplace, a jealous Karl shot the unsuspecting Rodolphe with a hunting rifle as his traumatized wife Mireille ran about screaming. Rodolphe, the chocolatier, had the reputation of a saint to young and old alike; however, for Karl, Rodolphe was a scorpion who knelt in prayer while raising its tail to kill.
  • Beginning with action, that is, starting with any significant movement: Rodolphe, the chocolatier, cocked his head quizzically. Karl, his neighbor, was aiming at him with a rifle. “No!” With the sudden blast of the rifle, Rodolphe dropped to his knees, blotting his damp, chocolate-covered hands on his denim jeans. As Rodolphe’s body grew stiff, Mireille ran screaming toward the two men, but she too fell down like a folded cloth and heard nothing else except for the throbbing of the street to the thick, fast beat of her heart.
  • A medias res (in the middle of things) beginning, which has been in favor during the recent years: The blast from Karl’s rifle brought Rodolphe to his knees. As his blood created puddles on the cobblestone street, the last sound he heard was Mireille’s screams before he grew stiff and senseless.
  • Beginning with a dialogue: (Most readers respond to dialogue well, especially if they sense tension or foreshadowing in it.) “Karl is screwed up,” Mireille said. “This is going to be difficult. Are you sure you want to go ahead with this give and take?” “Yes,” Rodolphe nodded. “You need my fondants. I’m like moonlight on dark water for you.” Then, he looked away. “Are you still in shock from last night?” “It was routine,” Mireille shrugged, arranging her plush bears in the window in irregular rows. “Karl always gets like that. He is just jealous. It isn’t everyday that he sees me eating expensive fondants.”
  • Beginning with a character’s description: Rodolphe wiggled on the red leather-cushioned stool near the window of his chocolate store, watching the street and Mireille’s plush bears, because even at his age, he was still deeply interested in toys. Tall, fat, and ugly with a crooked nose and misshapen smile, Rodolphe was also generous and jolly, except when he espied Karl putting his arms around Mireille. Then, Rodolphe’s face pinched with pain and his mouth drew downwards, trembling. Still, all this was before Karl shot him and Rodolphe was pronounced dead by Mireille, though only for a short time. Afterwards, when the medics brought him to life, Rodolphe’s outlook changed.
  • Beginning with the author’s voice addressing the reader: Although this method of beginning can be appealing, confidential-sounding, and even effective, it is considered old fashioned and boring. Speaking for me, I hate it, but here it is anyway. If memory were a movie, dear reader, you would see the marketplace in Berne from above, and in a close-up you would see me, Joy Cagil–the author here, strolling in front of a chocolate store thinking of this poignant and funny story, since a tiny part of my life was spent in Berne. Then, you would have to take my word that in this very store, Rodolphe offered his delectable fondants to Mireille because he felt sorry for the plush bear that Karl, Mireille’s husband, had ripped apart.
  • Diary, epistolary (letter-writing), or reflective beginning: Dear Mireille, What would you say if you knew I have your diary? Yes, my dear one, yesterday, when I brought you the fondants, I couldn’t help myself to pick it up when I saw the diary near your cash register. At that moment, you had your back turned to me, for you were putting a teddy back on the shelf, which you had knocked down when you saw me enter. I took your diary like a common thief and put it under my vest. Am I sorry? No, believe me; I am not, although this is not a gentlemanly act. In fact, I am deliriously happy. I took your diary because I was curious about what went inside your pretty head, but oh what joy, I found out that you had feelings for me. Is it the chocolate that affects women to melt like cream over fire? Maybe, since I am never sure of my manly charms. But that doesn’t matter now, for you have given me a new life and a new brown plush teddy bear for my counter that I will cherish forever and ever. I am returning your diary so you can write more about me. Rodolphe
  • Beginning by asking a question: Where was Mireille? Spielzeugspeicher’s doors were still locked; although it was far later than the usual hour Mireille opened her shop. Had Karl hurt her feelings again by throwing out the fondants in the trash? Or worse yet, at this very moment, was Mireille being forced into Karl’s brusque embrace? Rodolphe tapped on the counter with his plumb fingers as he sat wiggling uneasily on the red leather-cushioned stool.

I had a lot of fun playing with these exercises, and you, too, have fun with a few beginnings of your own. Who knows, you may end up with a great beginning that will hold the attention of even the most reluctant reader.

When Did Life Begin On Earth?

How long did it take consciousness to attain life or is consciousness actually alive?

There has been much written recently in scientific circles about the beginning of the universe, the world and of life itself with as many varied opinions espoused as there are scientists peering into the cosmos searching for answers. I won’t dwell on the universe part of the matter too extensively in this article since I prefer to address and hopefully clear up distorted conceptions about the beginning of life on Earth, or at least conscious life, and this will assume the existence of an earth already existing in an inner universe of divine subjectivity.

In truth, you cannot separate the beginning of the universe, the world and life on this world or on any other world. I realize the complications involved in attempting to explain this in terms of time and space, but an attempt should be made and I am just the person to give it a go.

Even with simplifications, explanations are most difficult since in greater terms, the earth, environment and its creatures, created each other in a great orchestration of life, a wave of consciousness that transcends the birth of humans and all other species. You are looking for answers in terms of time and space under the auspices of beginnings and endings and the search for answers can never be fully understood until you come to grips with the fact that the passage of years, decades, centuries and eons had very little to do with the emergence of life on planet earth, although you may see it that way. In very real terms, the universe is created in each and every moment.

These are not simple matters as you have been taught, but complexities exist that would tax the intellect of the highest order Entities, so bear with me and I will try to make it somewhat understandable.

In order to first get some foundation for this article, I am inserting the “dictionary” definitions of what “life” really is in the first place.

As follows;

Life is the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects.

Life is an organism that is being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction and the power of adaptation to the environment through changes originating internally.

Life is a state of existence or principle of existence conceived of as belonging to the soul, the general or universal condition of human existence.

Well now, that should get us started.

One of the major problems in understanding the emergence of life on planet Earth is first establishing the emergence of the earth itself, and exactly what is alive and what isn’t. The above definitions have some truth, but they are still far off the mark since they tend to view life from the human perspective only.

One of the main misunderstandings results from the misconception that consciousness sprung into being from some chance but auspicious convergence of the exact required proportions of chemicals, minerals and electrical charges from environmental sources combining in some hypothetical primordial cauldron-like pool on some already existing landscape, that would result in the forming of elemental proteins that somehow became biologically and consciously alive.

And that’s where the problem lies with this flawed concept. This scenario simply could not have happened because consciousness always comes first and is the creator of matter. In this case, consciousness would have to have created the earth, the environment and the chemicals, the minerals and electrical charges before that which already existed could exist.

Consciousness creates matter in the earth plane and other types of quasi-matter in other reality systems not focused in physical constructions like the earth reality system.

Consciousness is the medium that propels energy into matter and matter back into energy. If you don’t believe me, ask Einstein. Life on earth was not born or created because of some earthly accidental event, but because of a subjective creative act, an inspirational illuminating breakthrough of consciousness that created the earth, the universe and all other planes, fields and dimensions containing other dimensions, planes and fields at the same time that it created all beings and creatures of the earth and all such manifestations of what is commonly called living matter.

And this, my friends is the best part of this story of beginnings. Consciousness lives and is aware of itself as a particle or identity or a wave or force, whether it is occupying a physical body or not and of course I cannot prove this to you in physical facts, but you will certainly find out upon your death when the physical body is discarded for one more appropriate for the new environment that you will find yourself in.

Your dream self exists and it has no physical presence, as you know it. Life does not demand a physical presence. Due to your unique type of physical focus, it would be fruitless for me to try and convince you that the existence of a self-aware non-physical psychological essence of consciousness was and is alive, but if you want to take it back to the original source, the consciousness of God or of that Energy Source always existed and had no beginning as you understand beginnings.

But we will have to content ourselves at this time with considering the beginning of life as the beginning of “Physical Life” on a “Physical Earth”.

There are as many kinds of consciousness as there are kinds of physical matter, whether you consider them alive or not, that compose the earth, and all of these myriads of consciousness are to one degree or another, self-aware, some more than others.

In other words they recognize their individual state of being. Since consciousness creates physical matter then becomes part of its creations, the body of the earth, the skies, the oceans, mountains, plateaus and all other physical things, including you, were created by consciousness and “alive” consciousness resides within all physical matter with no exceptions. It has been suspected by many people for quite some time that the body of the earth has its own consciousness and this is true. (You may or may not consider this type of consciousness alive).

Consciousness is ALIVE and quite as effective whether in a physical body or not. Consciousness creates matter and becomes a part of the matter that it creates, so working backward, consciousness and Life are within God, Entities, Souls, Earth Personalities, the animals, the Environment, Nature, the rocks, water, clouds and all other things of substance and mass that you call objects.

Many cultures of the aboriginal type that you would consider below yours in stature have known of the life spirit within all of the above centuries ago, and they intuitively honored all earth spirits.

You arbitrarily choose to draw the hypothetical line between what is alive and what is not. If you were more liberal in your classifications, you could understand how a rock possesses a certain overall awareness of being. Not personified awareness, but awareness of its circumstances, its environment, the position of the sun, the temperature and such. I am not suggesting that the next time you step on a rock, that you tip your hat and say, “have a nice day”, but I am suggesting that you understand that you are part and parcel of a grand gestalt of living, awareized consciousness, not personified, but aware of its existence within its own limitations.

You, as living people have congratulated yourselves on your dominance over all other things since you seem to have subdued nature, the animals and the environment and because of your technological achievements that perception is understandable. Your holy books tell you that you should dominate nature; You are nature!

Certainly your position and limited perceptions would cause you to believe that since you are unable to perceive the consciousness within even the smallest particles such as electrons, protons, atoms, cells and molecules, you would label them as dead or being magnanimous as you sometimes tend to be, you may grant them some modicum of limited conscious awareness.

The wiser among you know that is absolute rubbish, to put it mildly. Every self-respecting atom, molecule and cell possesses self-aware-ness, whether you see fit to grant it that quality or not.

You live within and amongst a conscious universe and if you choose not to call that alive, that is up to you, but latent within your cells lies the knowledge that there is really no separation between you and the most distant star with no point in-between that is not conscious to some degree. In that respect, your cells know more than you do.

Where you see objects there is objectified and manifest consciousness and what you call the space in-between objects, whether they be tables and chairs or stars and galaxies, there is un-manifest consciousness and no space is empty.

There is no hypothetical point in the entire universe that is not conscious of itself. So there is no misunderstanding in what I am eluding to; you exist in an almost unfathomable gigantic alphabet soup. Pretend if you will that in this alphabet soup, the vegetables are the stars and planets, the noodles are what you would call living, conscious identities and the broth is un-manifest consciousness not yet materialized that you call space, and as you can imagine, there is no real separation between any portion of the soup and there is no practical separation between all of the objects and events in the universe.

But I know what you really want to know, so now we can begin with the assumption that you do draw the separating line within the more limiting dictionary definition stated above. Please try to bear in mind that although I try to explain these unfolding’s in terms of time, they actually happened simultaneously and spontaneously and they are still happening in like manner today. You, of course, must interpret them in a linear order through the lens of time and space, so I will also do so.

In time terms the life that you recognize was not the first kind of life that roamed the earth, and I can hear some readers misinterpreting what I am saying here, but the environment, the animals and countless versions of humans explored the earth at approximately the same time in what you would call pre-history. These first earthly inhabitants were at first, not physically viable, but existed in a dream-like body.

The early earth was a dream like world and in time terms was at some point bound to awaken. Dream bodies merrily skipping over dream landscapes populated by dream flowers and dream trees, laden with with dream birds were learning as they dreamed themselves into physical existence. The die had already been cast, but the transition from dream bodies to physical bodies took time to accomplish, actually eons.

The earth and all of its inhabitants dreamed their physical forms or bodies into existence. All were bound to awaken and as their dream bodies became physical, this became imperative. Obviously, the dream environment had to awaken first, then the animals and finally humans with other human offshoots awakening in their own time. Evolution did not happen as it has been hypnotized, but there were great explosions of abilities and propensities within all species.

In the beginning all species were present much like the remaining ones are today. Some species died out rather quickly, they did not take and adapt well to earth conditions at the time. These species still exist and have already reentered or will at some time reenter physical life either on earth or on any one of probable earths more suitable to their species. There is no species once created that is extinct although it may appear so to you from your perspective.

There are some species that have exited the earth plane but their existence is written in the expanded present of the inner universe and they are bound to emerge again somewhere, sometime. In those terms, the dinosaurs are not really extinct; they have simply departed from the earth reality system for future physical lives in other systems more suitable to their needs.

The early humans were the first sleepwalkers spoken of in many aboriginal societies. These early earth inhabitants existed in dream bodies and quasi-dream bodies for centuries before they became sure enough of themselves and their surroundings to leave the security of their non-physical dream like existence for a more tangible physical body. It is important to keep in mind that the earth, the plants, the animals and the environment was also present in this multi-faceted dream world in the beginning.

Now, you will have to decide whether you will consider those first dreamtreaders alive or not, since they did not yet occupy a true physical body, but in all other aspects, they were alive, cognizant of their environment, had relationship’s and developed primitive societies, while on the other hand they were slowly adapting their dream bodies for ones more substantial in a world of physical matter.

In terms of time, you will see this period as evolving from dream bodies into physical, but this all happened spontaneously and simultaneously, in an instant explosion of divine inspiration of All That Is. Your dreaming self that you awaken to when you sleep is a very real portion of your total identity, so I ask you, would you consider your dream body or dream self to be alive?

If you do not consider this intimate portion of your identity as real and alive, and frankly, I don’t see how you could not, then you could say that living identities cautiously ventured forth on a planet still in a state of awakening from a dream and gradually got their sea legs and adopted a physical body over a very long period of time.

In terms of time, which unfortunately we cannot avoid, this began many billions of years ago and took eons to accomplish, so you will be forced to view these happenings through the lens of time and evolution. The earth, the universe and all identities are actually created new in each nano-second and the beginning of the universe will happen tomorrow.

In very true terms, the earth is being formed today in every instant, in this very moment, in every moment and this is not some metaphysical mumbo-jumbo, the earth, indeed, the entire universe is created in the NOW and in every conceivable instant a new earth is created. The energy that will create the earth tomorrow is as new as the energy that created the earth billions of years ago as atoms and molecules formed themselves into a myriad of forms that suited their needs, abilities and purposes.

The world as you know it built itself from the inside out, emerging from an unimaginably vast, subjective inner psychological universe into objectivity, in what can only be explained as an explosion of consciousness or an illumination that translated itself from subjective into objective reality. Invisible became visible, intangible became solid and all species ventured into a never before experienced adventure of a new kind of consciousness.

I think for purposes of this article, you could say that “Life Began” on earth at the time that dream bodies finally became physical, the awakening of the species, when the first physical foot felt the first physical pain when he stepped on a sharp rock, but that is up to you where to draw the line.

There is much left not said, but unfortunately, our space here is limited, and a thousand books written over a thousand years could not adequately explain this miracle of life that happened so long ago and is still happening today.